Then, the task became getting Zoey to stop breastfeeding. I wasn't entirely sure I could get pregnant while nursing (for a couple reasons) and I worried that if I nursed her until I had the baby then when the baby started nursing that she would feel like the baby was stealing something that was hers (and cause tension). I was terrified to wean her. She LOVED nursing. Like I called her the boob addict. And she is VERY persistent and passionate about what she wants. She nursed not just when she was hungry but anytime she needed comfort, hurt, tired, scared, just wanting cuddle and sometimes I really miss it. It was a bonding experience and time just for her and I that I can't really explain. Not to mention it was literally the only time she stopped moving. I got more than a few comments about my extended nursing, but I very literally don't care what other people think about that (and that's all I care to say about the matter). But it wasn't easy to get her to quit. She cried really hard twice about it. Like I had killed her best friend. And I almost gave in both times. It made me so sad to make her SO sad over something she didn't understand. I did tell her that it was all gone and gave her drinks of other things instead and she pretty quickly instead of asking me for nursing she would just say "All gone?" and I would tell her yes, it was all gone. Overall it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be though and within a couple of weeks she had completely forgotten about all of it. She seems so big now and I'm sure will seem even bigger when I have another little one.
Anyways, breastfeeding didn't end up being an issue because I got pregnant the first month we tried while I was still breastfeeding but that is done too :) I didn't tell anyone for a while. Not until I was 9 weeks or something and I basically did out of necessity too. I had begun to show soooo fast. I am obsessed with pregnancy as most people know. I know all about it, but I guess sometimes talking to a million people and repeating myself over and over about how far along I am or if I've been sick or when my due date is, is just not that fun the third baby around. I actually still do really love to talk about pregnancy, I guess just not to people I'm not close with or people that don't actually care and ask me the same things EVERY single time they see me. So we waited a little while (not that nine weeks is even that long). It killed Justin though, he can't stand to keep secrets.
So I've just grown and grown. Like literally, I look like most people do at six months. I am huge. In fact, I kind of started to worry about it. Because I know everything about pregnancy (not really, but kinda) I checked my fundal height regularly and basically from the time I could feel it I was always measuring way bigger than normal. I told my family this and Justin (Justin always thinks I'm obsessing over nothing). We have lots of twins in both mine and Justin's family but none are fraternal (which are genetic), all are identical (which are not, just an anomaly that tends to happen evenly in families), but I still hoped/feared that I would have twins. So I had a prenatal check up yesterday and told my midwife that I felt huge. She assured me that it was perfectly normal and that after three children I had three times the relaxing hormone in my body and that those dang third (and on) births all made you stick out quicker. I said sure, sure but it's not just that, that my fundal height is measuring extremely large. She said she would check it at the end of the check up with everything else and we continued our appointment. So then the checking came. I laid down and the kids hopped up to my side with Justin so we could listen to the heart beat for the first time. We heard it very quickly and I relaxed (even if everything else is normal, I DO always worry that something is going to be wrong or something bad will happen). So then I waited for her to measure me. She stuck one hand on my stomach and immediately her eyes went wide. She smiled and even though she just confirmed that I was indeed measuring huge for assumed gestation I started to sweat and went bright red. I thought, 'Oh My Gosh. I am going to have twin.' Freaking out a little. She said, "It's either three things, the least likely is twins. The other possibilities are that you have a fibrous mass on your uterus which is really common or you are actually a month farther along than you thought you were. It could be that the last period you had was actually the bleeding that sometimes happens during implantation." She told us that we could check right there on their small ultrasound machine though and find out how many babies we have. Which of course we said we wanted to do. She left to go set up. Justin was in a panic, I could tell. He was very good natured about it but I could tell he was totally freaking out on the inside. And then they took us back. It was really quick, they had me lay down and put the jelly on my belly and instantly we saw that there was only one baby. My heart ached a little. As hard as it would have been, how hard it would have been on my kids, how irritating it would have been to buy a new car to fit us all which would have been a bit of an unwelcome extra expense when we are in the middle of building a home, just doubling everything, not to mention that I wouldn't have been able to have my birth at the Birth Center I'm going to which would have pretty sad for me, despite it all, I wanted them. I wanted them both and had to get over the babies that I thought I might have for only a matter of a few minutes. At the same time I breathed a sigh of relief for all the reasons mentioned above. So that leaves a possible mass (non-dangerous) or possibly having gotten pregnant a month before we started trying. I find this scenario unlikely but we'll have to see. I have my ultrasound scheduled in a month so we'll be able to see for sure then. The other thing I was thinking as we left was that a couple of Justin's Aunts or Uncles were 10 almost 11 pound babies. Maybe I'm just in for a really big one. But I don't know that I would measure big this soon. I would imagine that the baby would grow in relative likeness to every other baby and then just gain quickly at the end but I really don't know. I haven't researched that matter so I'll have to see if I can find anything on it.
So, there you have it! The due date that I was given before this was April 6/7 which would be perfect. We plan to be in our house by then so I'm hoping that I wont be expecting a baby any sooner :) Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Justin and I decided that we wont be finding out the gender of our baby. We are really excited to have this surprise right when we see our little one. I have always wanted to do this but never thought I would be able to convince Justin to do it but he actually agreed to it! I suppose it helped that we already have baby boy and girl clothes so we'll have everything we need and wont make us want to buy extra stuff or clothes that we don't. Sooo yeah, that's all, we are so excited! Next year I will be a mom to three. My life keeps getting busier and busier. Me and James have become involved in this huge homeschooling community that we have here in Heber, he plays soccer and loves it, and will be turning FIVE in January. I can't even believe it. Zoey. I feel like I've said a million things about Zoey already but she is just my sunshine. She has this energy that shines out her eyes. She is so cute that I just want to eat her up. I have never met a little human who is so sure about what she wants and sure of herself in getting it. She keeps me on my feet. I have finally found two movies she will watch all the way through. Frozen and Mary Poppins. So now I know how to get my breaks in. I have insured myself that this next one will be mellow as can be ;) I am so grateful though. I love my kids with all my heart. They are my everything and have become my whole life which I am totally okay with and proud to say. I can't wait to have more :)