At that point I had done everything I wanted to do so called my mom and told her I was having pretty real contractions. They had gotten to the point where I really couldn't do much during one. The pain was still plenty bearable but I just couldn't focus on much beyond one. We sat on the phone and she timed them for me for our whole conversation. Some three minutes, some four minutes but still barely making it past thirty seconds. We got off the phone and I told her I was just going to wait a bit longer then I was going to call her and head down to the Birth Center. I waited, then called Becky, my midwife. I told her that I thought I should head down now and told her the details of my contractions. She suggested that I go take a bath and relax to make sure they weren't going to slow down because contractions typically have to last a whole minute for them to be effective and she didn't want me to drive all the way down when they normally don't admit people until they are in active, progressing labor. So I hopped in the bath but they still kept coming. She called me fifteen minutes later to see how I was doing (one of the things I love about the Birth Center, personalized, individualized care that you wont find at hospitals). I told her they were still coming regularly but never lasting more than thirty seconds. She told me that I could continue doing this or I could head down. I wanted to be sure so I told her I would call back in fifteen minutes and let her know.
A couple more contractions had me convinced. I was getting quite a few at only three minutes apart and with how fast my last labor was I didn't want to risk having a baby in the car. Could Not Do That. So I jumped out of the bath, got my clothes on and told Justin that we needed to go. Amazingly he got his clothes dried in time. We made a few calls to family and to the Birth Center to let them know I was on the way. My contractions hurt really bad but I was so excited. I had been preparing for this. I had read so many books and articles, taken classes and talked about it for months and months. I was determined to have the exact birth I wanted. I did all of my non focused awareness and imagery techniques I had learned about. I did everything in my power to succumb to my contractions and not fight against them and I really was DOING it. I insisted that Justin shut up whenever I started to have one and for some reason I had to push on my ears like I was pushing out all the sound that could distract me and creating my own white noise. I was much nicer to Justin this time around. I had to try really hard though. Sometimes I would snap at him to stop doing something or talking but I was really quick to apologize once I could focus. Poor Just. We got there just before ten and walked into the Birth Room. Becky was there waiting for us and talked to us about everything I was feeling. She checked my vitals and then checked my cervics....Only a three. What? When I got to the hospital with James I was already dilated to a four. I was bummed about that but she said we could stay and just relax. No one was going to come in anyways and I was definitely on my way. Within the next have hour Adrianna, my birth assistant was there. The contractions were starting to last longer. I was happy about that. I was progressing. Adrianna and Becky have the best voice for talking through contractions (when my ears weren't pushed shut). Just how they said the words made them SOOO much easier to get through. I don't even really remember what they said, but it probably didn't really matter what they said, it was how they said it. I was only there an hour when I had this strong feeling to bear down. I kept thinking I needed to go to the bathroom, but every time I sat, there was nothing. Pee sometimes I guess but that's not the type of bearing down I was doing. I got up and Becky, Adrianna and Francis were watching me go through contractions, getting me cranberry juice and just doing...birth things. I'm not sure exactly. It was so neat that they were always there. It wasn't like at a hospital where they have other births to attend or other things to do. They were here for me and only me.
Anyways, after I got up I had one more contraction and again that same feeling. I turned to Becky and said, "I'm sorry but can you please just check me again. I know you just did but I keep on getting this strong feeling like I need to POOP and every time I push down it feels good like that's what I should be doing. She said yes of course and I laid down. She checked me and then sat up. "Yep, you are a nine." Oh My Gosh. Everyone started to laugh and so did I. "I AM SO GOOD AT THIS!" I said. I dilated from a three to a nine in one hour. That's why they were so intense, I was making some SERIOUS progress. Not that any one doesn't think their contractions are extra intense. I texted my mom right after we found out I was progressing so fast and said. "Dilated to a nine. Don't know if you are going to make it." For some reason as they got stronger I had to rub my ears. The feel and the sort of white noise it created helped me get through them. I tried sitting on the big exercise ball like I did last time but I didn't like it. I needed to pace. They started filling the birthing tub but we didn't think I would make it that long. My mom still wasn't there and that was sort of stressing me out. We thought I would at least go half as long as last time but I had only been there an hour. It was kind of stressing Justin out too because we had James. I hadn't decided how much of the labor and birth I wanted James to see because he is really sensitive and aware of my emotions and how I'm feeling so I didn't want to freak him out. But we didn't really have an option at that point. Justin didn't want to leave me and James wouldn't let go of him. Luckily, I really just like to do things on my own so I wasn't feeling like I needed him. I tired sitting on the birthing chair. I really thought I would like this but at the same time I felt like I need to pull down on something or have something more solid to hold onto other than the assistants wrist so I eventually moved to the floor. This felt more like I was supposed to do but eventually my knees and elbows started to hurt. From there I moved to the bed.
I thought maybe this time would be easier but apart from it going faster, it was harder than my mind let me remember. I kept thinking (screaming in my mind really) please come baby I can't do it much longer. I'm never doing this again! How can I? I can't even handle it now! Why DID I want to do this again!? I just want it to be over!
My mom finally got there at about twelve with my Grandma Blair. She and Justin stayed with me and my grandma took James out. Mid-contraction you literally feel like the pain is driving you crazy, like you very well could...I don't know, pass out or something. I laid on the bed on my side holding one leg up. I didn't feel the relief when I pushed like I had with James. Then came the burn. Another thing I hadn't experience with James. I don't know why. The ring of fire, was a literal ring of fire. As my baby's head was crowning the midwife told me to slow down so that I don't rip. It was the hardest thing I've done. Slowing down when all I wanted to do was push with all my might! I started to whimper. That's the best I can describe it because it wasn't a full on cry but it was a whimper of desperation and exhaustion. Please baby come out, I kept thinking. They kept checking her heart rate to make sure that she was alright. This was really annoying to me but I'm glad they did it of course.My water finally broke on its own. Finally, her head came through! But when she did, they saw that he umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. There wasn't really any room in my head to think so I just pushed. As soon as she was out they got the cord from around her neck. They laid her directly on my chest and began rubbing her, moving her and trying to get her to breath. There was a moment of terror for me, but the midwifes were all very calm. It made me feel calm and I trusted them. "Come on, baby, breath, you are okay." I told her. She was beautiful. I was so exhausted but she was beautiful. And she had SOOO MUCH HAIR! For what seemed like forever but was probably not even a minute she finally took a breath and cried. It was over, and I was so happy it was over. I just laid there holding her. They never took her from me. They just did everything with her sitting right on top of me, which I loved because after I had James the hospital nurses took him away from me for about fifteen minutes. They gave me a shot to stop the bleeding, Pitocin I think but I don't think they ever told me that, I just assumed. After the cord stopped pulsing Justin cut the cord, another neat thing he didn't get the chance to do at the hospital.
Then my midwife reminded me that I still had to give birth to the placenta! Ugh! No! I didn't want to. I told her I didn't want to. I felt sick, in pain and horrible. I was still having these contractions. I kept thinking, I already had my baby, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I was finally able to push it out. It was pretty amazing to see it actually. Disgusting, but amazing. It was so veiny and bloody and colorful. This little nutrient sack housed my baby all this time. After she was cleaned up and all the vital checks were done we got a chance to talk about the birth a bit. The cord wasn't very long and because it was wrapped around her neck, it made it harder for me to push because not only was I having to push her out but It was causing me to have to push the placenta down with her. There were two large tears in the placenta where it had still been attached which probably didn't make it easier either but none of the placenta was left behind which could have caused some problems. Surprisingly there wasn't even any bruising on her little neck from the cord.
It was pretty hard for me to focus on anything because I was still having postpartum contractions. They were awful. I hated them. It made it hard for me to appreciate my baby right that second. I just wanted to feel good enough to sit there and hold her. It was hard though. So they gave me Ibuproffen and a perceset to help with the pain.
We brought James in to see her. He really didn't want much to do with her. It was really early in the morning though. He was really tired. They told me I had her at 12:15 a.m. Oh my gosh. I was only at the Birth Center for two hours before I had her and fifteen minutes, but still). That is crazy fast. Meaning only a little over an hour of crazy, unbearable pain. But it sure didn't feel like it was that short. I think I'd prefer a longer labor with a slower progressing pain over a really super quick burst of unbearable pain. Anyways, it took a long time before the pain became manageable. They fed us and then I took a shower. By a little after four we were ready to leave with our baby girl. My mom took James home to stay with her for the night. At first I thought I wanted us to all come home together but in the end I was really grateful I had her to take him. I was so tired. We got home around five thirty. It felt so great to lay down to fall asleep in our own bed. I couldn't believe it was over, but I was so glad it was over! Glad that it's going to be a while before I have to go through that again. So glad that I was able to do it completely naturally again. I am so grateful that I was able to do that for my baby girl. It is an incredibly empowering experience. We named her Zoey Leila Luke. I've loved the name Zoey for a while, it's on my list but we always wait to see our babies before we name them. We like to do the first name to be uniquely their own. The middle name we like to use a family name. Leila is my great grandmothers name on my moms side of the family. She was a really big part of our family. She passed a way just a little over a year ago. I think this picture of Zoey really looks like my grandma.
Some people say, "Why go through the pain when we have such advanced technology to avoid it." They think birthing naturally is a thing of the past but in all reality the majority of the world is still giving birth naturally. And that's not just third world countries. That includes countries that are as equally technologically advanced as we are. So why is that. My thought? Because they understand that "Birth is a natural function of biology, not a medical emergency." And if America is so advanced then why do we have the highest maternal mortality rate and the second highest infant mortality rate in the world? A very good question. God made us to be able to do it. Not saying that if you don't do it you're a failure, because I absolutely don't believe that. I believe all women should research their options though, because if you don't know your options, you don't have any. People have been giving birth naturally as long as there have been people, which is a lot longer than epidurals have been around.We don't even know the extent of the advantages of not exposing our babies to these harmful drugs and vice versa. When a woman gives birth naturally a women receives the biggest rush of Oxytocin they will ever receive in their entire life and will be communicated with your baby as you hold her afterward. With the use of an epidural those natural hormones are not created. It is a blessing to be able to give your baby the absolute healthiest birth you can. That is something worth fighting for.
Zoey Leila Luke
