Valentine's Day

I had a really wonderful Valentine's Day. I don't feel like I've had any bad ones but I just really had a good day. Justin has school most mornings so he was gone before I actually got up. But when I finally did decide to make me and James breakfast, I walked into the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers and a very Valentine's wrapped gift. I got sooo excited. At first I wasn't sure if I should open it without him. So I texted him (because he was in class) and while I waited his reply I took pictures of this cute little setup. He finally responded and told me to open it. Because I am a hopeless romantic, flowers would have been enough. I looooove getting flowers! But of course that wouldn't have been good enough for Justin. He also got me my very most favorite chocolates in the world, Lindt Chocolate Truffles and.....my equally most favorite thing to get on Valentine's day, JEWELRY. It was a box from Fred Meyer Jewelers! OOOOH I felt like I was getting proposed to all over again. And inside were beautiful diamond earings! Nothing huge but so so delicate and darling and beautiful. I absolutely love them. I got so excited to go on our date that night so that I could wear all the diamonds he has purchased for me. My ring (obviously), the diamong necklace from last year, and my new addition. Luckily I had planned to play tennis with my mom that morning at the rec. center so I had something to pass the time. Plus I also had a few things to finish up for his gift, which I was super excited to give him. I had worked hard on his gift. Now, my idea isn't original, but basically none of them are, don't judge me. I found the idea off of Pinterest. It is called 52 reasons why I love you. It is a deck of cards whole punched and tied into a book. And on each card of that book is a different reason why I love him. Truly and honestly, it wasn't ever hard to come up with them. It probably took me five minutes. Once I started writing I didn't stop until I decided to count and see how many more I needed. It actually kind of surprised me. Not saying that to be mean or anything but 52 things is A LOT of things and some were little but really are important and I'm glad I got to write them all out for him. I used scrapbooking paper and embelishments to make it look cuter and at the back I quoted bits and pieces of "How do I love thee, let me count the ways". It turned out sooo good and Justin really loved it.

Anyways, so after I gave him the gift we went to Bucca Di Beppo down in Salt Lake. If you haven't been there before, you should. It's super good. We went with my parents and it was really fun. I know that's not the most romantic thing in the world but I really enjoyed having them there. I just really appreciate the fact that I can go to dinner with my parents, with Justin and that actually being what he wants to do. When I was just dating Justin I never could have imagined him wanting to spend Valentine's with them. And... almost completely agreeing with what my dad has to stay. Justin really respects and listens to my dad. I didn't realize I would actually really want that, but since I have that, it's really important to me. And my dad just "eats up" the fact that Justin will listen to him, yet at the same time respects Justin for the things he does differently from my dad (religion). We ate a TON. Ate the Colossal Brownie Sundae for dessert which was huge. Then we went to a movie. We saw "This Means War" with Reese Witherspoon. I loved it. It was a romantic comedy, which is my very favorite and I basically only get to see with Justin on my birthday and Valentine's day. It was pretty crude (just how movies are these days apparently) and I got really uncomfortable sitting next to my dad in parts where they started saying things like "horny" "sex tie-braker" and "fingering the painting" but surprisingly my dad was laughing his head off??? Haha it was great, I realized that my dad's not so stuffy and now that I'm an adult he can enjoy some adult humor with me without insisting on being the example and moral beacon and making every opportunity a learning one.

So overall, it was just a really great day. And even though we had to hold off on the romantics until we got home that night, I was really just in love all day. In love with Justin, in love with life, in love with eating good food. I feel so special to be where I am. Blessed, very blessed.

Month Four

It has now been four months. I can't believe that. It's crazy how much faster the second birth goes. And 20 weeks means that I am HALF way there! This month has been kind of busy so that probably has something to do with it going faster. And the fact that everything isn't such a novelty anymore. I've done this before. James turned two on the 14th. So crazy. He is getting so big and will be saying full sentences in no time. He just tries to copy like every word I say right now. It is sooo cute, really jumbled and slurred but so cute. I have been feeling really good but this has definitely been an emotional pregnancy for me. I think it's been hard on Justin with all the crying I've been doing but I just tell him I need to cry and he let's me and tries to not let it worry him. At the Birth Center, I have been going to these group sessions with all the girls that have due dates around the time of mine and that has been fun. I love the Birth Center. I love my midwife and I'm just barely getting to know all the girls there but they all seem really nice too. It's really great to have someone to talk to about more natural methods of just about everything: birthing, vaccines, diapering. I don't seem like such an eccentric there. But they are really excepting of the people who choose more modern routes.

And...for the exciting news... I HAD MY ULTRASOUND yesterday! Oh my gosh it was amazing. Justin and James came too and we got to find out that we are having a baby GIRL!!! YAY!! We are so excited. We really wanted a girl. Just because we have a boy. And of course you absolutely love whatever God gives you but we really are just sooo excited. I can hardly stand it. I so badly want to go shop for cute clothes and ribbons and bows. There is actually a lot that needs to be purchased since there isn't a whole lot of James old things be can use. His bottles and gender neutral onesies and things like that we will of course. Justin was so nervous like the whole day before we found out. He had a hard time sleeping and everything. He just thinks too much. And, I was thinking that it actually takes a lot of stress off because if we didn't have a girl this time....then next time we would REALLY want a girl. We literally didn't have a single boys name that we loved but for girls we have like four that we agree on and really like. Hm...maybe that will actually make it harder. Still have a ways to go luckily (and not so luckily) so we have time to decided. June 11th. That really does sound far away. I'm really excited to have a summer baby. Fun birthday parties!

The names we have agreed on so far are Hallie (or Halee, Halle, Haley), Emmalee, Zoey (Zoe with the dots over the "o" but not sure yet because that sounds kind of foreign), or Delanie (possibly Delaney but probably not). It's surprised me how many of the names I've come up with, Justin has actually agreed with because that sure was not the case with James. Me and Justin have been getting along fantastically, minus a few freakouts I've had since being pregnant, but he has been ultra-understanding. I really love him. He has been so great. Such a great dad, such a great husband. He's worked really hard at work and at school that he's just started. I really just appreciate everything he does so that I can do what I do. And, another really exciting thing.... Justin has QUIT SMOKING and hasn't had a cigarette in a whole month now. That is so amazing. I think that I had just excepted that he would probably never quit but he has. Seems so sureal to me. I think technically they say your not 'out of the woods' until like three months without, but STILL that's quite an accomplishment. I am so proud of him.

Month Three

I am so happy to be feeling good! I am loving pregnancy and am really excited for everything. I have a good little round belly already, I don't ever get sick anymore and I have all my energy. I have been reading like crazy lately. I have become completely obsessed with pregnancy books and am just about finished with Birthing From Within. It is really fantastic. It was written by a midwife and if you are even remotely interested in natural child birth it is a must have. It is actually one of the main reasons I decided to look into Birth Centers. I know, I know. Everytime I bring this up everyone thinks I'm crazy. Your NOT going to have your baby in a hospital?? Your NOT going to have any pain medication?? No and no. It's not like I had a bad birth in the hospital last time. It was actually pretty good. I really loved my midwife, I was only at the hospital for like five or six hours before I had James, and James was healthy, no real complications. But there were things that bugged me about his birth. There were a few hiccups that I just figured were a rare instance, just something that had to happen. But as I began reading I found out that the annoying things that happened to me weren't so rare. They were actually kind of "routine".

I read that ninety percent of women who have a doctor attending their births end up getting an episiotomy. That's a lot. I didn't originally plan to have a doctor at my birth but they started having problems with the fetal monitor and so they had to call her in. She was really rude and changed the whole atmosphere of my birth. What happened was they thought that James' heart rate was dropping but it turned out that the thing just ran out of batteries. Fluke? Kind of annoying. Turns out a lot of women have been wearing the monitor and it shorts out or runs out of batteries and then everyone freaks out thinking the baby is having fetal stress. And since the doctor was already here I guess she just decided to deliver the baby. She kept saying Push LADY Push. That was so annoying. She could have just said push and I would have known who she was talking too. I could tell she really talked down to my midwife and thought she was superior to her which I thought was annoying too. And then, without even asking me or telling me they gave me an episiotomy and used the vaccum to help get my baby out. That is part of the reason why I didn't want to have an epidural in the first place. Using the suction or forceps can give your baby brain damage. And it always mishapes their head which does eventually go back. But it bothered me. I am the patiet. I could have gotten my baby out on my own. Why didn't they let me. If I was going to rip and they wanted to save me the damage that would be one thing but that wasn't the case.

Anways, everything turned out fine. The healing time was longer than normal but other than that I was fine and I fully intended until recently that I would go back to my same midwife and just hope the same issues wouldn't arise again. But as I kept reading and researching I realized that these things happen all too often. I had a couple cousins go to a birth center and birth centers philosophy is "birth is normal, intervention is dangerous" how true. Women have been giving birth without any kind of pain medication up until the 1800's. Up until the mid 1900's people still did without. Over half still had their babies at home. That wasn't that long ago. So why was it safe back then before people had basic hygeine sense but now it's so unsafe? Probably because it's not unsafe. Doctors just don't make a lot of money if you don't have your baby in the hospital. So why would they support it?

So now that I have been through labor, I know what to expect and I'm not afraid, I've decided to go somewhere that doesn't restrict me by procedure and policy and unnecisary intervention. I am so excited about it. There is this really great facility down in Salt Lake called the Birth Center and I am having my first prenatal visit there next week. They have these extensive birth classes that I'm excited to take as well. I think that I freaked Justin out at first with the idea but it turns out he is really on board as well. I am excited to be in control. I know I can do this.

Month 2

I can honestly say this pregnancy has been completely different than my first one. For one, I have lots more time (technically) but almost none of it is spent being lazy. Instead of going to school and work all day, I am chasing around a toddler with an agenda all of his own. I have decided also that because I was so busy in my first pregnancy I didn't really have time to think about how I was feeling. At least I don't remember for the first whole month being so exhausted that by mid day that I had to take a nap. Luckily James still does too. I did have cravings and that has returned. Hahaha just thinking about it makes me laugh because when a craving hits it's not like should I or shouldn't I, it's like life or death. I choose life, I am eating the dang ice cream snickers, or wendy's fries, or drinking that pepsi. Also my hormones have completely run away with me and I've decided that I am no longer responsible for any irritable outburst, crying episode or irrational upset I have. I have turned into quite the cry baby. It feels good though. Good to cry. I wasn't missing crying that's for sure, since my life has become much less dramatic, but every time I do it's like a whole hearted, body wracking cry. And then I feel great after. I feel bad for Justin because everytime I do, he thinks something is really wrong with me but I think I just need to get bad energy out. And then there is the nasea. I only had this for about three weeks last time at the end of my first trimester. Basically I've been nasious since my fifth week on. It's off and on but it's one of my least favortie symptoms. I don't remember the beginning being so hard. I feel like I'm starting to come out of a lot of the exhaustion though. I definitely have more energy. And I have tied my throwing up to my prenatal vitamins. I am always on a verge of puking for like two hours after I take my prenatal vitamin. So I have resorted to taking it before I go to bed. I am still having incredibly incredily strange dreams. Too wierd to even mention.

I had my first prenatal visit two weeks ago. It was so great. My regular midwife is out of town for all of the holidays so I met with one of the other five. It's good to meet with all of them because you never really know who will be on call when you happen to go into labor. I was lucky last time and Nancy was on call. I don't think I could have done it the first time without her. They did an ultrasound already which is crazy because at that point my baby was only the size of a grape. It's incredible what detail you can see. My baby already looks human but with a giant head. So kind of more like an alien than a human. When we first started doing the ultrasound my baby was like bouncing around. Moving all over the place. James came with me which I thought was pretty special even though I'm pretty sure he still doesn't understand that his little sibling is sitting in my belly. I have been trying to explain it to him but in the end he just thinks that our belly buttons are named baby. Maybe it will make more sense once my belly is huge and protruding.

I have only gained a couple pounds but if I'm wearing a tight shirt it's obvious that I am either pregnant or have spent a lifetime drinking beer. It's crazy to be showing even the slightest this early. Last time I just kind of looked fat until I was about five months and then it was like BAM, pregnant. Ready to have that baby, pregnant. It is slowly starting to make sense to me that before long I will have another little baby. I think it helped to see my little one on the ultrasound, moving around inside of me. Still will be a month or two before I even feel life. I can't wait for that. And since a lot of the bad symptoms are subsiding I'm feeling more excited about being pregnant until June.

50 Things I Want To Do

While sitting at the computer reading my most recent favorite blog, A Million little Things, I was inspired by her 104 in 104 post about things that she wants to do in her 104 week time period. I highly reccomend her blog. She is pretty hilarious. But I'm a tinsy less optimistic so I'm going to do 50 things (nice round number) and I want to get them done before baby number two arrives. So June 11th, not very long to do 50 things. Hopefully this will motivate me to do a bit more simply by writing down goals.

#1: Finish James Baby Blanket: I have changed it to a blanket he can appreciate now since I'm a slacker and waited 'til now to make him a blanket. Anyways, it's an I-spy. It's not going to be cute I can already tell but I think it will be nice and stimulating. 12-21-11

#2: Make a pumpking pie from scratch: I feel like I should at least learn how 10-15-11

#3: Sew some family Christmas Stockings with our names on it: I am going to make six though so that the more kids I have they can have coordinating stocking with the rest of the family's.

#4: Get James Potty Trained: I really would like to do this but it is not looking too promising at the current moment. He was doing so good and was even telling me when he needed to poop (peeing was another story) and I would give him a goodie after for being so good but then he stopped and of the sudden doesn't like the potty, oh well. I don't want to push him if he doesn't want to yet.

#5: Move James to a big boy bed: When are you even supposed to do this? 7-7-12

#6: Pick out the Water Fixtures? (sinks, tubs, showers, etc.) for the lodge. So exciting! We are really coming along with the project. We have broken ground and poured cement. We've chosen our outside textures of hardyboard, our roofing material and our rocking. The structure should be enclosed by the new year! 3-14-12

#7:Surprise Justin with a totally awesome gift that he will love for Christmas or Birthday or Valentines. I just want to do it at least once. That sounds weird that I haven't done this yet but really it's Justins fault. Either he just wants money or a giftcard, picks it out ahead of time or guess what I'm going to get him. 2-14-12

#8: Make baby #2 a baby blanket: Figure I should get a head start this time

#9: Start James 2nd scrapbook 2-20-12

#10: Organize the spare closet: That will be where baby #2's stuff goes, so this is a need 5-12-12

#11: Cut our own Christmas tree: I don't even like the look of real trees but I think it would be fun to do this once. The smell is nice too.

#12: Get Family Pictures taken: need. haven't done this since James was four months 11-24-11

#13: Go see the lights at Temple Square 12-16-11

#14: Get my Patriarcle Blessing 11-20-11

#15: Get my Temple Recomend

#16: Succesfully help Justin quit smoking 12-26-11

#17: Send out freaking Thank yous from our WEDDING!

#18: Finish a needle point project

#19: Go on an air balloon ride

#20: Attend a sporting event 1-17-12

#21: Be a sub for Santa. (whether it's just one gift for a child or a whole family sha-bang

#22: Read my camera manuel

#23 Read the Book of Mormon

#24 Read Every conference talk from previous conference before next conference

#25 Make a holiday craft for each holiday

#26 Finish the quiet book 12-21-11

#27 Go on a date to color me mine 12-10-11

#28 Go to a concert. Any concert: bell choir, symphony, local group, very expensive popular artist.10-22-12

#29 Send out Christmas Cards

#30 Go to a Spa as a couple. Whether it's for a massage or facial or I get my nails done while he gets his
feet rubbed, just whatever

#31 Throw Justin an awesome 21st birthday  4-26-12

#32 Go on a Luke Family camping/ cabin trip

#33 Switch over completely to reusable grocery bags

#34 Make Pepermint bark 12-12-11

#35 Cook a turkey

#36 Make cloth daipers for baby #2

#37 Host a Murder Mystery Party

#38 Convince one of my friends to have a baby

#39 Go on vacation

#40 Buy a nursing bra

#41 Buy one of those giant pregnancy body pillows. oh yeah 12-25-11

#42 Open an account for James College Fund

#43 Get Justin to Go to a chick flick in theatres where I cry the whole movie through cuz I'm pregnant (okay
it's really just because I'm a sucker for romance)

#44 Donate more than five dollars to a charitable cause

#45 Attend a local play 12-9-11

#46 Read a book that has no academic value or merit.

#47 Read all my pregnancy, birth and nursing books

#48 Make my Wedding Album

#49 Contribute to the family Thanksgiving dinner 11-24-11

#50 Write both of our parents a thank you letter for everything they've done for us 11-24-12

#51

Month 1

The first month of my pregnancy has passed and to be perfectly honest it hasn't really hit me yet. For two months straight getting pregnant was all I could think about. I obsessed over it, talked about it, dreamed about it so now that I am, the stress is off. Even though we actually tried this time, pregnancy (and the fact that I'm carrying someone that at their birth I'll feel I've known them forever) is as illusive as the first time. Not to say I'm not feeling any symptoms. Tender boobs, irritablilty, early preg. fatigue and HELLO frequent urination, I almost forgot about you. No sickness though yet, thankfully. Maybe I'll get lucky again. And I'm excited. Still soooo excited but for some reason it doesn't quite feel real yet. I suppose it will hit me when I first feel life, or maybe when I go in for my first prenatal visit, somtime between 8 and 12 weeks. They wont take you before then and it's suggested you go in by your 13th week. I've been walking everyday and have been trying to be as active as I have time. I want this to be a fit pregnancy. I mean I always ate really healthy through my last pregnancy but I wasn't really able to be fit between school and work. That's one thing I'm really grateful for this time. With James I went to school for seven and a half hours then worked for four to five hours. I was leaving home by eight a.m. and not getting home until after ten p.m. sometimes. I did that for a whole summer. I totally forgot about that. And surprisingly I wasn't bothered by it. Looking back I don't remember feeling sorry for myself when if I had to do that now I know I'd be complaining. I only did that for about three months but still...Then it was just school until I took some time off. I guess I'm just spoiled now. I get to stay at home and be a mom. Be crafty and cook and play little kid games. I know that in this day and age that role of motherhood is slightly looked down on. Not that we don't think mothers are great. Just that being a stay at home mom, not going on to get a masters, not pursuing a prestigious career looks a lot less glamourous. Less sophisticated. Less educated. When in all reality saying that motherhood is not prestigious, doesn't take sophistication, doesn't consist of furthered education is really laughable and makes me angry to think that people look down on such a crucial role. And yet I know some of these thoughts crossed my own mind not two years ago. Obviously my mind has been changed. I have read more meaningful books, done more important research, created more lasting memories, built stronger family bonds in the past two years than I did in the eighteen proceeding it. James is my life. He is what is important and what motivates me. I love him more than I thought my heart could handle. And I can think of no greater calling, career or cause than getting to raise him and my future children. Mothers build the future, because they raise the people who create it. I am so excited for my new little baby, to bring another person into this world. June 11th seems much too far away.

P.S. Now that I'm off my raw-raw motherhood rant I wanted to note that I don't intend to offend anyone that choose alternatives to my life choice. That was simply my appreciation and opinion in the situation and place I am in my life at the present moment.

Baby Number TWO!!!!

This has been the longest two months of my life. I kept thinking, next time we're going to start trying before we actually think we're ready because, when you're ready you just want to be pregnant now. Finding out about other pregnancies were exciting but slightly painful. Even at this young age you are filled with worries of fertility problems. After the first failed attempt I was feeling pretty bad for myself, because to be perfectly honest. I was positive I was pregnant. Looking back I suppose I just wanted to be pregnant so badly that I made myself believe I was this incredilbly intuned mother who could tell when her stomach contained an embryo smaller than the eye can see. So when my period came right on schedule I was incredibly disappointed. Then I felt selfish. I started to get mad at myself for being so impatient. Here it was only a little over a month since I had my IUD taken out and I was feeling all bad for myself. On average it takes a person a full year to concieve. A FULL YEAR! And I wasn't patient enough to wait a couple months. Nevertheless, I was still heart broken. So the following month I decided that what happened happened and I wasn't going to get my hopes up this time. I wasn't going to let myself worry or think about it, or count down the days until my next scheduled period. In fact I convinced myself the whole month that I was not pregnant. I didn't feel like it, I didn't look like it. Nothing. So I wasn't pregnant. Then for the whole week following my next period (which I wasn't keeping track of, right?) Me and Justin got along awful. Especially awful considereing how much sex we were having. My ovulating week we had sex sooo much that I was in physical pain for four or five days afterwards and even had to put a cream on. And I don't even get sore anymore, I've had a BABY! Anyways so we got along awful and Justin kept playing it off as you must be pregnant, you must be pregnant, you are emotional, depressed, naggy and tired all the time. But of course I wasn't going to let myself believe it. So the fateful day came. October 3rd. No period. I had purchased pregnancy tests for just such an occasion. You are supposed to pee on the stick for Ten second. I was worried that I wouldn't pee for the full ten seconds and it says AT LEAST ten so I peed in a cup instead. The results came slow and the lines were painfully vague. Not a dark pink plus at all but it sure was a plus. I left the test alone and decided I would try another test later but I was hopeful. One hour later I was ready to pee again.....This time the results came quick. The test DID say the results could come as fast as sixty seconds. I think mine were faster than that. There it was! A perfect pink plus! I was shaking. I was ecstatic. Nothing could ruin this day. Nothing did. I am proud to announce that my beautiful little baby number TWO is on the way. Due on June 11th. What a perfect date. So after doing a little hair today I squeezed  in every minute of research I could do on my new little sunshine. I found out that doctors actually go off  the first day of my last period for the date my baby was concieved? Weird. So in doctors terms, my baby is already four weeks old when my calculated ovulation week would place him at only two weeks old. Why couldn't they just go off of the first day of your guestimated ovulation calculation. No idea. That's how it is though. But supposedly my baby is the size of a sesame seed. My little sesame seed.

I am so happy! I don't think I'll get to sleep tonight, dreaming of what my baby will be. I cannot wait to meet my little sesame seed.